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Monday, 07 March 2005

A Puss in Boots: A Very Short Story

wonderful

[This is a rough English equivalent of my earlier article, 超短篇:長靴をはいた山猫, on March 4, 2005.]

        A Puss in Boots on a Hot Tin Roof

I am a Cat -- or Puss in Boots on a Hot Tin Roof.

With Sabrina I had Breakfast at Tiffany's, then I heard The Call of the
Wild and took A Streetcar Named Desire heading North by Northwest,
taking A Passage to India crooning White Christmas.

Aboard the Streetcar Named Desire were The Naked and the Dead, Easy Rider,
Le Petit Prince, The Girl from Ipanema, Ryan's Daughter, Alice in
Wonderland, Lady Chatterley's Lover, and The Buddenbrooks, a family from
northern Germany. Among all the passengers, One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest.

I saw Easy Rider eleven years ago at Radio City Music Hall. I met The
Girl from Ipanema in L'Annee derniere a Marienbad. The Girl from
Ipanema 'Twist and Shout'-ed while Singin' in the Rain, whereas Ryan's
Daughter showed me Pictures at an Exhibition. Lady Chatterley's Lover
played me Water Music while telling me Everything You Always Wanted to
Know About Sex But Were Afraid to Ask. Lady Chatterley's Lover wanted
me to have the key to The Apartment, but I kindly declined. I'm No
Angel. Besides, Gentlemen Prefer Blondes (or Blonds, if they are
homosexual).

The Buddenbrooks insisted on selling me a kalashnikov.
They said, "Annie Get Your Gun. Johnny Got His Gun. Shoot the Pianist.
Strike while the iron is hot. Shoot to Kill. Otherwise Shoot! They
Shoot Horses, Don't They?"
"Never on Sunday, Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. Wait Until Dark,"
I politely declined, but The Buddenbrooks were persistent.

Meanwhile, on the next car were Bonnie and Clyde, the Marx Brothers,
Warner Brothers, The Brothers Karamazov, Hannah and Her Sisters, Wassily
Kandinsky, Modest Petrovich Mussorgsky, a cross-country ski and Twelve
Angry Men. It was A Night at the Opera.

I said, "Play it Again, Sam. Drop Dead Fred. Who's Afraid of Virginia
Woolf? You want me to count three or something like a movie? Where's Agnes?"

My Bogartesque quip worked and The Buddenbrooks finally gave up on
trying to sell me the Russian submachine gun. A Farewell to Arms and
Bonjour Tristesse. I will die a Death in Venice from The Unbearable
Lightness of Being. For Whom the Bell Tolls. Is this A Midsummer
Night's Dream or real? That is the question. O, It's a Mad Mad Mad Mad
World but then again It's a Wonderful Life.

2002 (C) Tomoki Yamabayashi


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